I can .... can I ?

I feel a lot of types of ways ... not vulnerable ... I feel strong ... but it doesn't feel good ..I feel strong ... but its like ... I can't feel my feelings anymore .

 

I desperately need a new start .. Carrying a lot of excess baggage ... from a lot of events in the past year ..and more.

 

I feel the invincible type of strong ... not a happy strong ... an adaptive strong ... a forceful strong .... a ' have to be ' strong ... but strong might just be slightly better than vulnerable ...

 

All I need is a new start .. in whatever form ...just get away from things for a while ... 

 

I want to be selfish like i have never before ... care about nobody else like never before ... let go of my small "so called" problems that i haven't been able to ... and live like i have never before ....

 

I want to tell myself that i can ... I want to for once stop carrying this burden of stupid things that i have held onto for some seven years ... I want it to not hurt anymore ... they say time heals .... then why does it still hurt ... I want to let go .... I hurts so much that it doesn't hurt anymore ...

 

That is what you get out of being a good person ... or atleast trying to be one ...you miss out on yourself ... on loving yourself ... on being good to yourself ... i don't want to be good .. i want to be happy ... i want to be free ... of things that have in ways haunted me for long...

 

I want to be inspired .... i want to work hard ... i want to find myself ....I want to ... but can I ?

 

I want to grow out of these stupid things that have held me for long .... so long that I'm numb .... So long that i don't know how it is to feel normal ... to feel better ... to want to feel better ...

 

I want to stop being lost ...I want to have a purpose ... I want to ... but can I ?

 

I want to stop being numb... I want to feel ... I want to feel good .... I want to feel bad ... I want to feel my feelings ... like i haven't in a long time ... 

 

I don't mean to tell a sob story .... i don't want sympathy ... I want to be me and own it ... I want to stop being afraid of being me .... 

 

I want to do a lot of things in my life ... and i want to believe that I can ...

I can .... can I ?

 

 

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Comments (15)

  1. Bettymom

    You’re the only one who knows for sure, but it sounds to me like you want to enough to try!

    May 15, 2016
    1. superwomanrocks

      Yes I do . I will .
      Thanks .

      May 16, 2016
  2. GoldenPig2012

    You can do what you choose. Every choice comes with consequences. Strength comes from facing those consequences. I wish you strength. I’ve been there, felt that, I will be there again, soon……………so……………….here’s to strength and hope and us.

    May 16, 2016
    1. superwomanrocks

      Yes . I’m at it …
      You all are like a diary that I confide in and it speaks back to me .. hehe..
      Thanks for the hope and strength… thanks for being there ..

      May 17, 2016
      1. GoldenPig2012

        Well, honey, you are welcome. Throughout our lives, we find hope and strength in the strangest ways and places, well, I have, anyway. May I be one of your strange places that give what you need.

        May 17, 2016
        1. superwomanrocks

          Yes you surely are …
          I love getting advice from people who are more experienced and do not judge me … I find few such here …
          Keep being there …
          I might not be able to advice you .. you know life better … but I can send virtual hugs … so that we all know that its ok .. to not be ok …
          Thank you !!!

          May 17, 2016
          1. GoldenPig2012

            Oh, honey, never think you don’t have something to add. Never. We’re all in this together.

            May 17, 2016
            1. superwomanrocks

              Yes .. I’m getting better ….
              Standing by each other and sending positive vibes …

              May 17, 2016
  3. GoldenPig2012

    Yes. Yes you CAN do whatever it is you set your mind and heart to, dear. I believe that.

    May 16, 2016
  4. pathos

    lemme tell ya one thing about a super woman. she knows when to hold em,when to fold em,and when to walk away! do you?

    May 17, 2016
    1. superwomanrocks

      Wow ! I need to write that down !
      Well … I’m learning to …
      Thanks

      May 17, 2016
      1. pathos

        You do if your still learning how to get to super woman status.

        May 17, 2016
        1. superwomanrocks

          Yes maybe I do

          May 18, 2016
  5. superwomanrocks

    Thank you
    Yes .. sometimes we know things .. yet we need to hear them from someone else to be reminded of its significance … and that’s what we here at thoughts do , don’t we ?
    We’ve got each others back

    May 23, 2016