Realizations ..... You're Amazing ...

If you've heard (rather read) any of my recent rants regarding how awful i feel ... then the last one was probably the last one ... i'm going to make a forced concious effort to stop behaving like that .. i'm not fine ... i agree .. i'm not going to pretend to be fine ..but i realize thats its ok to not be fine .. 

 

I've finally realized what has bothering me recently ... and maybe because of the kind of person i think i am .. i refused to accept that this was the thing ... but i finally realize this and i'm glad that i do . 

 

It is more so because i did feel sorry for myself ... and maybe led a few others to feel sorry for me ... which they did very well ... felt sorry for me ... showed that .... i probably thought it to be something else .. a friendly effort .. a confused opinion ... a forced answer ... when it was mere sympathy ..... and that is what is miserable ...i probably do not own up to this quite as much but i have a really high self esteem .. i don't potray this in my personality or behaviour .. but i do have a huge self esteem .. and all that sympathy does hurt my self esteem ... i don't want sympathy ... that too for something as stupid as what i'm talking about ... i deserve much more than just sympathy ...

 

So to all those people who with their huge hearts made every effort they could to add on to the vulnerabilities ... (though they do not have any possible accessto my blog and even if they did...wouldn't care to read ... and thats fine .... their confused opinion is not needed ) ... still to them ... thank you !!! This made me grow as a person ... 

 

And to me .... We're not doing this anymore ... stop feeling bad for yourself ... things might be an utter mess ... but i guess that is how they are supposed to be ... and that is why you have an amazing mind and soul ...

I probably am so affected by this becuse i do put all my heart to anything that i do ...and because i wanted this so bad ..... So the only reason this is hard is because i care ... and thats all right ... But its time now to grow out of this ... so this whole hurricane of uncertainities ... We'll call this a chapter closed ( have I said this before ?) ...i'm not saying that i'm done with all uncertainities in my life .. life will always be uncertain ... but this particular one ... this will not bother me hence forth ... 

 

A lot of things are yet to be fixed ... and i'm working on it everyday ... on both my thoughts and other important things .... lets see how it goes ... maybe this is a mere moment of positivity but even if it is .. i needed it bad .... 

 

Tomorrow i will surely find out how much i've grown out of stuff .. that i claimed to grow out of ... and i really hope i have ... 

 

I don't know if this is a good or a bad quality but its too hard for me to give up on things .... and i asure you that is really bad at times ... but as far as positivity goes i don't intend to give it up ... whatever of it is left ...

 

Ummm ... i do confuse myself at times .... 

 

So here goes my one hunderedth atempt at getting back up ...

 

#superwomanletsrock

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Comments (4)

  1. Bettymom

    Okay! I’ll give a little cheer, but I won’t get behind you and push.

    December 04, 2015
    1. superwomanrocks

      Thanks ! I’m pushing myself though !

      December 06, 2015
  2. sunshineandraindrops

    You can do it! We believe in you!

    December 10, 2015
    1. superwomanrocks

      Thanks

      December 11, 2015