Heya ! So now other things have started to matter. I'm working really hard towards what i should be and this is 15 minutes of introspection ... Things are not easy and its way more difficult to handle myself than things around ... Upset ?? No, not really, i'm not sad , but then again theres a lot going on in my mind .. and i dont really understand what to and what not to think about ...
At present I feel like standing amidst a flood where somehow all the streams diverge onto me ! How poetic ... isn't it ? Being unnecessarily poetic is one of the basic signs of madness... but i don't think now i'm lacking any effort that i could put .... and as far as my state of mind is considerd ...i'm doing pretty well... i have every intention of doing better but somehow i don't or atleast i'm not able to appreciate the uncertainities in my life as i appreciate them in movies .. you know what i mean... Now i'm not sure if i can explain this well but i'll try .. do tell me if you ever felt the same way...
I breathe ... but i haven't taken a sigh of relief in a long time ... i mean ... i breathe in and as i am prepared to breathe out a sigh of relief .. a voice inside my head tells me .. "knock knock !! excuse me .. what is the relief about !?? " and that makes me stiff again..
When i get a reason to smile (thats many times) .. the voice says .. "Do you want to smile ?" rarely do i scold it -"Yes i do !!" and when i'm upset , then happens the worst .. the voice says.. "You're behaving as if you've not seen other things driving you crazier than this" .... And then i remember 'that one thing' and ruined is the next hour or half.. ta da !!!
So lets not listen to that voice too much ... because i know i can fix things up ... and i will