What The Hell Am I Doing !!!

So... lets get some things clear real quick ! 

What do i feel about things at present ? Why am i in the complete mess that i am in ? The reason is really simple and i know it. (hypocrisy ... look at me call it "simple" .. i meant its simple for me to understand that this is the " thing " that has been bothering me now ... and if you know anything about me or have read my earlier posts .. you would know that i often keep whining about that " one thing " and this "thing " that has been bothering me now is not that "one thing " ... confused ?? .. Same here ...

 

I don't really know what it is like and i don't really know what i feel anymore .. but you know what !! I don't want to know ... from today on .. this very moment .. this chapter .. ( which supposedly never started ) is being closed . I don't want to do this to myself any longer ... 

The clear inability to do things that I was apparently good at inspite of numerous efforts is the result of what this has done to me . So what next ? I am depressed... I am vulnerable ... I am freaking tired of pushing myself out of this and not being able to ... So what do I do ? Let this depression take over me ?? Erratic sleeping patterns .. either staying up the entire night or sleeping through the day .. Not wanting to wake up to anything .. I've got all the 'symptoms' correct .. and i feel miserable saying this .. i don't want to be like this .. but the fact is that i'm feeling miserable to the extent of wanting to sleep and never getting up again ... I don't know whats wrong with me ... i'm trying hard to be positive and i'm tired of questioning myself .. What the hell am i doing ???? This is just not me !! 

 

But am i giving up ??? Hell nooo !!! (and my forced attempt at being positive makes me want to throw up ) Even if i fail miserably ... i'm still going to do this ... no matter how hopeless i feel ... Yes, probably i'm emotionally crippled or baffled or broken or whatever this is called .. and as vulnerable as i could be .. but i'm going to have to do this .. FOR ME ...

 

So these are few things that i'm going to have to do :

1. Stop thinking about "what could have been " because it is NOT ! And it will never be ...

 

 

2. Stop blaming yourself for having ruined things or for anything for that matter ... This is nobody's fault . It is just what it is and will never be different . Stop looking forward to things getting the way you want them to be because  all you are doing is waiting for another time to come to be stabbed in the heart with a thousand cold knives .. SO... DON'T DO IT !!

 

 

3. Focus on your work and within no time this is going to be over .. Focus on yourself . BE SELFISH .

 

4. Ignore people that make you negaative because at this time you've got enough negativity to deal with .

 

5. Look upto the awesome things that you're going to do ahead . 

 

 

 

#superwomanletsrock

 

 

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Comments (23)

  1. Bettymom

    Sounds like a good plan to me!!

    November 12, 2015
    1. superwomanrocks

      Thank You so much !
      You know I seriously don’t want to be like this .. but I just can’t stop thinking too much about everything ..

      November 12, 2015
      1. Bettymom

        I know, kiddo. I’ve had my bouts with depression, but mostly I suffer from anxiety, for which I take two little white pills daily!

        November 12, 2015
        1. superwomanrocks

          I am pretty anxious about some things too but mostly I feel really low and I have major insomnia ..
          But I’m on my way out of this ..
          Thanks

          November 12, 2015
    2. GoldenPig2012

      I am in absolute agreement with Bettymom, sounds like a great plan, go, do, my dear. Wish you success in all things! Most of us keep a hoard of things we regret or overanalyze, but, we must find what it is within us that allows us to have them, but move forward anyway and I have faith you will.

      November 12, 2015
      1. superwomanrocks

        Thank you !

        November 12, 2015
  2. ClodaxXIII

    At least you got the “Be awesome” part down Keep at it! You’re doing great!

    November 12, 2015
    1. superwomanrocks

      Yes. This phase is going to pass and I will be awesome wherever I will be after this …

      November 12, 2015
  3. wirelessguru1

    Ignoring is never a good idea…

    November 12, 2015
    1. superwomanrocks

      Ignoring negative people … is not a good idea ??

      November 12, 2015
      1. GoldenPig2012

        superwomanrocks, when you engage with dear wireless, deep breath, you are………………engaging with someone unconcerned with you and very intent on his own ideas. He can and does, sometimes, make VERY valid points to be considered, but………………….your question, probably, will be answered with some response about not ignoring him. Engaging with wireless means having some fortitude stored up or patience or you’ll be drawn into something…………….very off point and extended indefinitely. He is not “bad” or “good”, but, if you are looking for actual responses that have to do with you, at times, you might want to………….skip wireless’ responses for a time.

        November 12, 2015
        1. superwomanrocks

          I’ve had previous experience on this .. and your concern and description is absolutely accurate .. but I am a person very difficult to influence (positively or negatively ) .. so I will think before following anyone’s advice ..
          Thank you so much for your concern .. it is deeply appreciated …
          And thanks for being there ..

          November 12, 2015
        2. superwomanrocks

          GoldenPig2012 , you were so right about this !!!

          November 13, 2015
      2. wirelessguru1

        Ignoring anything is not a good idea!
        You can avoid negative people or just rub it in their faces like I do…

        November 12, 2015
        1. superwomanrocks

          Yes .. what I meant by “ignoring” them is "avoiding " them ..

          November 12, 2015
          1. wirelessguru1

            Then please use the word avoid and not ignore since only ignorants “ignore”.

            November 12, 2015
            1. superwomanrocks

              I don’t agree .. an ignorant is someone who doesn’t have adequate knowledge or awareness about something .. when I know things and consciously choose to ignore them .. then I’m just trying to pay no attention to it .. not that I’m ignorant.. they are very different .. "avoid " could be used as well .. but "ignore " would not be wrong … and I seriously don’t want to argue on vocabulary at present ..I hope I’ve made my point ..

              November 12, 2015
            2. wirelessguru1

              Well, if/when you ignore someone or something then and by definition you don’t have “adequate knowledge or awareness about something” or someone!
              So when you ignore (consciously or subconsciously) you are still an ignorant.
              This (what I just said) is very important so please pay attention to it and don’t ignore it.
              +1 (Neo)

              November 12, 2015
            3. superwomanrocks

              I’m sorry but as rightly said by GoldenPig2012 … I do not wish to drag this off point topic indefinitely … atleast not unless you get the meaning of the words ‘ignore’ and ‘ignorance’ correctly …
              I do not mean to offend you but you should Google it …

              November 13, 2015
            4. wirelessguru1

              Look, the golden pig is very stubborn but definitely not right!
              So if you do not wish to drag this then please stop replying to My comments.
              I already know what the words ‘ignore’ and ‘ignorant’ mean.
              ..and you can’t offend Me. I AM immune.

              November 13, 2015
            5. superwomanrocks

              GoldenPig2012 happens to be my friend .. so you should stop judging people without any reason .

              November 13, 2015
            6. wirelessguru1

              On the contrary.
              I judge people all of the time…and I have reasons to do it…

              November 13, 2015
  4. wirelessguru1

    BTW, everything else on your list was pretty accurate, besides the “ignoring” thing, of course.

    November 13, 2015